I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
