i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
