If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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