i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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