I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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