Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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