I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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