Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
