Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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