i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
