i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
