Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize