put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
