so explain again why im purple
no
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
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getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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