I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
