I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
