dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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