Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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