just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
