I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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