if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
