u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
