Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
