sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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