i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
