What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
