You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
