all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
