i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
