This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
