I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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