I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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