As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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