i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
