My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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