You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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