party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
