Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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