you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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