just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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