i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
