I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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