i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
