Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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