She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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