I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
