if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
People in love make me want to vomit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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