The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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