Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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