im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
