Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
