Do you still have your period?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
