Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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