spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
