So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
