shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
