today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love you.
Bad choice
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
