sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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