You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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