My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
