Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
