do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
