Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
