I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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