I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
