I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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