Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
