dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
