I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
