I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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