the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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