Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
