Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
