Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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