He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
