it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
