I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you would pick up someone in the library
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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