i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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