Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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